Life Is Very Difficult

May honest folk proper.

To be conscious

As I always say, I don’t think a life can ever have a meaning. But on the other hand, I have no intention of killing myself. I have never felt the desire to die. Moreover, I have never felt it hard to live on. However, there is a feeling I often have these days: that to have a consciousness is agonising. Those who feel it hard to live their life think of it as what lasts for a certain period of time, while when I say I feel it agonising to have a consciousness, it is concerned with the moment. It has nothing to do with any duration of time. That is, I feel every moment of consciousness excruciating. Every moment of my waking life is a torture. So, how should I live with such a painful feeling? The solution is easy to find. I live either in the past or in the future. I remember what I did in the past and consider how I could have done it better. I think about things I am going to do and imagine how they would go if I did well.